Monday, August 26, 2013

DIET, EXERCISES AND OTHER FABLES


Prayers have been answered.  Bikini season is almost over.  The world is better off;  at least in my zip code anyway.

Since 1990, to get ready for the beginning of the summer and the traumatic occasion, I have been on exercise bicycles that go nowhere and leave me spinning; inner journeys that lead to serenity but do not register on Google Earth or my GPS. I did jog once and thought I heard applause but it simply turned out to be my thighs hitting together.  The clapping annoyed my neighbors so much they paid me to leave the neighborhood, thus turning flab into fortune; even enough to buy a Cronut®.

Wouldn’t it be grand if after every bit of exercising we could see the fat falling to the ground lying like a lump and then…we could observe the scene as the Flabinator came by to remove it and take it wherever excess blubber goes?  By the way, where does it go?
I know where I’d like it to go. As an organ donor I am leaving my cellulite to Heidi Klum just so she gets to experience the joys of these love dimples. Till then I am keeping it in a warm place.

As a last resort I tried a couple of new diets.
On one I could to eat anything I desired within 2 minutes using only one chopstick. Didn’t work out as well as I had planned after I became an expert at spearing whole hams.

The one when I ate only when a politician wasn’t being hypocritical put me on a dangerous course of too much weight loss so I tossed it out which I’d love to do with some of them as well.

What I have learned from all these experiences is to read advice more carefully.

Eat less exercise more. What a concept!
I had it backwards!!!
Pin It!

89 comments:

  1. Cantor's explanation as to why he was caught committing a traffic infraction. Song (from 1929) by Charles Tobias and George J. Bennett. http://www.myfibromyalgiadiet.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. n nutrition, diet is the sum of food consumed by a person or other organism. Dietary habits are the habitual decisions an individual or culture Ashley encontros sexuais

    ReplyDelete
  3. Plagued by a large bottom or thick middle? Thanks to science, you can sculpt a slimmer silhouette with a shape-specific.Ashley madison relacionamento para sexo

    ReplyDelete
  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Diet.com provides diet, nutrition and fitness solutions. Use our free weight loss tips and tools, healthy recipes and fitness videos to meet your weight loss goals
    site badoo relacionamento Ashley

    ReplyDelete
  6. Peoples are giving wonderful thoughts…
    www.nuskk

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you for this tutorial.its really informative tutorial.taxivna

    ReplyDelete
  8. all the words in simple way every one should understand easily.fentonforcongress

    ReplyDelete

  9. What a good suggestion posted by the peoples..e-330

    ReplyDelete
  10. its really informative tutorial. Thank you for this tutorial .
    cursocirugiaplastica2014

    ReplyDelete
  11. Nice post all information are useful to real life.wewantsomepussy

    ReplyDelete
  12. Keep posting the articles,useful to every one...lingyunqf

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thank you for this tutorial.its really informative tutorial.312opanyatirim

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thank you for this tutorial.its really informative tutorial.langleycontinuingeducation

    ReplyDelete
  15. Keep posting the articles,useful to every one.
    giantants

    ReplyDelete
  16. Keep posting the articles,useful to every one...thanhdonghotel

    ReplyDelete
  17. Its very useful if every one should follow this.ohfiddlesticksbook

    ReplyDelete
  18. Keep posting the articles,useful to every one.
    hollyjpepper

    ReplyDelete
  19. Its very useful if every one should follow this.ottawaithelp

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thank you for this tutorial.its really informative tutorial.hands-b

    ReplyDelete

  21. Technically very well above you said.
    cquemba

    ReplyDelete
  22. Nice post all information are useful to real life...bellinghamautoworks

    ReplyDelete
  23. Works to protect the rights and further the interests of authors in the United Kingdom. FAQ, membership information, news, and publications Checkout

    ReplyDelete
  24. I'm always noticed lower image quality when posting. click here

    ReplyDelete
  25. Thank you for this tutorial.its really informative tutorial.barriegoddard

    ReplyDelete
  26. Its very useful if every one should follow this.
    ycqsnzx

    ReplyDelete

  27. Thank you for this tutorial.its really informative tutorial.
    multimedia-ess

    ReplyDelete
  28. What a good suggestion posted by the peoples mse188

    ReplyDelete
  29. Articles are very nice…Nice comments too longcreekdesigns

    ReplyDelete
  30. Thank you for this tutorial.its really informative tutorial ilovecamogie

    ReplyDelete
  31. Thank you for this guidance.its really informative for all ebro-j

    ReplyDelete
  32. Peoples are giving wonderful thoughts…
    danceego

    ReplyDelete
  33. its really informative tutorial. Thank you for this tutorial quanchengreyi

    ReplyDelete
  34. Thank you for this guidance.its really informative for all..
    intiraymi2013

    ReplyDelete
  35. The information which you people are given are really superb..!!! encoreultimategracelandsweeps

    ReplyDelete
  36. its really informative tutorial. Thank you for this tutorial ...antonwilde

    ReplyDelete

  37. Keep posting the articles,useful to every one.hmvac

    ReplyDelete
  38. Peoples are giving wonderful thoughts…webonduty

    ReplyDelete
  39. The information which you people are given are really superb..!!! ysssh

    ReplyDelete
  40. Its really informative tutorial. Thank you for this tutorial .mountain-mysteries

    ReplyDelete
  41. all the words in simple way every one should understand easily...gamexin

    ReplyDelete

  42. Information are more innovative and nice to read it.66666q

    ReplyDelete
  43. Thanks for the comments which the peoples are give here mypathbuilder

    ReplyDelete
  44. What a good suggestion posted by the peoples..
    illascabovela

    ReplyDelete
  45. I'm so excited while I read all the comments..shcriminallaw

    ReplyDelete

  46. Its very useful if every one should follow this.
    dsn027

    ReplyDelete
  47. Its useful to every one and keep posting giantants

    ReplyDelete
  48. Its really informative tutorial. Thank you for this tutorial .lu-cioles

    ReplyDelete
  49. Technically very well above you said...gxshangsi

    ReplyDelete
  50. its really informative tutorial. Thank you for this tutorial  hollyjpepper

    ReplyDelete
  51. The information which you people are given are really superb..!!!gemofive

    ReplyDelete
  52. Really nice,every should like this.dongpubio

    ReplyDelete
  53. The information which you people are given are really superb..!!!.nuskk

    ReplyDelete
  54. The information which you people are given are really superb..!!!
    redhouselanescotland

    ReplyDelete

  55. The information which you people are given are really superb..!!!
    wpzszk

    ReplyDelete
  56. Its really informative tutorial. Thank you for this tutorial .kindredgoddard

    ReplyDelete
  57. The information which you people are given are really superb..!!!
    apage-bandung

    ReplyDelete
  58. Thank you for this tutorial.its really informative tutorial.spmbvip

    ReplyDelete

  59. Thank you for this guidance.its really informative for all..serpdigger

    ReplyDelete
  60. Nice post all information are useful to real life...usanonprofitjobs

    ReplyDelete
  61. Not only to read need to spread every one.ycqsnzx

    ReplyDelete