Saturday, July 14, 2012


At the Book Faire, while sitting with talented authors pitching and wooing, a raffle was announced.
Since I am a very lucky lady, and was the first Miss America to work the pole having repaired telephone wires in a previous life, this was just another in a list of good fortune I experienced in my life.
My heart pounded when I won a mechanical man. I recently read that synthetic human cells were being created in laboratories and I was in heaven. At last, no more Internet Dating.
Shocked, I soon learned the raffle was for a gift to the mechanical man, an automotive service. I was grateful, particularly since my recent experience with a car repair shop had been dismal. This is what transpired when I drove into that other shop.
   "Well it really hurts me to tell you this miss, but you have diminishing pressure. You appear to have corrosion around your terminals and obviously your condenser is shot to hell.”
   I thought he was terribly rude and wondered why he didn’t also mention my weight gain while he was insulting me.
   “What about the car?"  I asked.
   “There are no guarantees in life. I’ll do what I can."
   “How much will it cost?” I muttered.
   “How much do you have?" I thought I heard him whisper.
   "There are no guarantees (again with the no guarantees) but I estimate from who knows what... to $1600."
   I don’t get it. It is one stinkin brake light. I started to object.

   “Mama," you just don’t know anything about electrical systems or about cars. You should bring a guy with you next time. They never question my judgments because they are manly. Guys know stuff that little ladies do not. So go get a facial (another insult) and tell your fellah to come in without you."

I backed out and accidentally ran over his foot. Instinctively, I called him a dipstick not actually knowing what that was but suddenly I felt relieved.
I purchased a car repair instruction manual. The first time I glanced under the hood I fainted. Who knew there were so many parts? Then I learned that cars have a simple and organized system. Previously, I thought if a belt was broken, my pants would fall down. Now I know it could be a belt from the water pump or a vast number of things.
I learned when my engine knocks I don’t just ask “who is there?"
As it turned out, the solution for my car was a new bulb which was quite reasonable.
I also realized while it is good to be informed, I prefer to let honest experts handle their specialty thus me and my old Lexus coupe will be a regular at a certified dealer, in my case South County Lexus, M.V.. As a bonus, during repairs they will shuttle me hither and yon which happens to be to the nearest pole and at no charge, either. Talk about lucky...(L’amour) which is actually my stage name), while I did like winning that raffle, an actual mechanical man would have solved so many other problems. When it comes time to rotate my tires, there is nothing like a real man

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